my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
