just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
