Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
