Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You did what with his pubic hair?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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