Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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