Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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