Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
