i don't like sucking hair
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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