Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
