We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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