ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
