It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
