i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
