we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
