Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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