I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
