i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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