The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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