I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
