just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
