The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
