I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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