I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
