shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
