I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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