worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
40s are totally the cure
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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