Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
