You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
