We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
