by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
