3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
