Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
