from now on my penis is your penis
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
