last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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