My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
