the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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