Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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