You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
