I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
