Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
