Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
