wrigley field is MILF paradise
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
