Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
