He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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