if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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