I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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