We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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