We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
