I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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