Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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