remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
