WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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