We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
