i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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