it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
