Your mouth is God's brothel.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
