If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
