he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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