Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
and she was petting her beer can
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
