I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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